The Ominousness of Death

The light of today is a bit dimmer this time around as a particular light switch in my life has been turned off.  My future though, still approaches at a frantic pace, so to the future my eyes will remain.  But never think for a moment that I did not notice the flicker and the diminished brightness of my life.  Goodbye, mom, and may your soul rest in peace now that it no longer has to hold up the pain that the end of your life showed you.

--

The end of 2014, and the beginning of 2015

Another year, come and gone.  Doesn’t seem like its been so many, but I’ve almost witness forty of them.  So many ups and downs; rights, lefts, and wrongs; and everything in between.  The year of 2014 is hard to sum up in words.  It was a roller coaster to say the least.  I took a break from the blog, landed a job, and Lisa and I started working.

But the job never truly panned out.  We could never get enough hours to truly make it worth it, and when we did work, it was completely nuts.  We had a horrible boss and iffy coworkers.  There were many times we both almost quit, but we stuck through it.  Sometime towards summer though, two things changed....

(poem) - The Dance of Love's Life

I’ve danced through life
To a soundtrack that only I’ve heard
I’ve invited you to dance
If you wish to learn

Many have taken me up
On this offer of life’s dance
Only to watch them stumble
Not being able to prance

Happiness is a way of life
That I’ve lived for quite some time
But I only know how to do so
Because I know Sorrow’s every line

So watch as I dance
And twirl around
Can you see me float
Far above the ground?

In real life
I cannot dance
But metaphorically
I do so at every chance

And amazingly I found Lisa
Who has taken my hand
As we danced
She donned my wedding band

Friends may come and go
But I’ve finally found a partner
Who will dance with me
Forever, and ever after

Somewhere along the way
I realized something very important
I’ve danced this dance I’ve danced
Felt pain at every appointment

So that when I got to dance with her
It was the dance that would enthrall her

Because she’s danced
The same dance as me
So that when we found each other
It would be so lovely

That we have both wept with joy
At true love’s beautiful envoy

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Music is a Soundtrack to your Life

Have you ever had music that you liked in your life, that later the words opened up and meant something to you?  My life has gone through so many evolutions I struggle to keep track of them all, but through them all is a soundtrack...a list of music that resonated within my soul, and showed me a moment of pure understanding.

Sometimes, music can talk to you.  A friend of mine used to say that you can’t truly love Jimi Hendrix unless he speaks to you.  He said the same of Jim Morrison.  Fact is, neither of those have ever spoken to me.

(poem) - I Belong in Her Arms

Is a dream a dream
(A crazy little dream)
If its based in reality?

What about pain?
(Is it pain?)
If its based within the mind?

Its hard not to scream
(Scream so loud)
When a dream involves pain?

Why does it hurt
(Its hurts so very much)
To have your heart broken?

I once had an ideal
(Such a great ideal)
Of what the perfect woman should be.

But the woman that was perfect
(Perfection on another level)
Broke the mold of everything that was

She changed my life
(Which needed changing)
For the better in every single way

And became my wife
(The perfect wife)
Making me the happiest man alive.

But I still remember the past
(Oh so very long ago.)
When heart break felt like it would kill me.

I remember those times
(Times best forgotten)
Crying over some foolish idiot not giving their all

I always gave my all
(Pouring my very soul)
To make sure that my love found its home

But it never did
(It grew stronger, harder)
And somehow found its way into Lisa’s embrace

This embrace
(This beautiful embrace)
Is something amazing that words cannot describe

Poetry
(No matter how you write it)
Cannot match the beauty of my wife’s soul

She survived
(Things I cannot imagine)
To be with me here, laying her head against my chest

How did either of us make it here
(This wonderful place we’ve found)
After going through so damned much without each other?

The answer is so simple
(Yet so very silly)
We survived what we had to, to be together.

Because this is where we both belong
And belonging is pretty awesome
When you belong in someone’s arms.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Status Update of the Blog and Life 08/2013

There’s nothing like a little update on how everything’s going on the website, hopefully I can drum up a bit more interest in certain things while doing it.  We’ll see, though.  If you haven't checked it out, be sure to read the Press Release that came out on August 4th.

As of this last weekend, the 6th serial story in the Ballad of the Emerald Bard came to a close.  The next order of business in the Ballad is to rewrite the 2nd story.  Buried Secrets was a 5 part story that, I realize now, was poorly written.  Part of the grand experiment of this serial webfiction is to fix mistakes after they are published.  Its something I knew ahead of time I wanted to do, so here’s my first chance.

Divorce Rates

There is absolutely nothing quite like the stress of a wedding.  Many folks decided that for their second, they will elope, because the stress of their first wedding was horrid.  Fact is, there are many ways to get past the stress, or at least to cope.  The best way?  Be sure you are marrying the right person for the right reasons.

Seems like a simple thing to say, but if two people are truly happy, and truly compatible, then the stress coming up to the wedding will be minimized by tons.  Even though there is stress, and sometimes Lisa gets a little stressed out, we can both look at each other, say our code word, and step back to take a breath.

Many marriages end in divorce for an extremely simple reason...the two people weren’t compatible, and wrong about being in love.  I in no way try to hide the fact that I was in a few failed relationships in my life.  Each one, it was pretty obvious early on that there were issues that would eventually break us up.  But I foraged on, because I didn’t want to give up.

But at some point, you have to realize that there is something simple about just being in love, and being loved in return.  My prior relationships never had that.  It was a struggle, and none of them were meant to be.  It seems obvious when you tell the stories of failed relationships, but living them is far different than telling the story of them.

The one major thing I’ve learned about past relationships is recognizing where I made the mistakes, and being worried about making them again.  Even though you promise yourself you won’t, you still will, because you can’t lose your own failings and shortcomings.  My biggest issue was I tried to hard instead of allowing myself to realize that it was time to let go and move on.

And the best part about past relationships, is that they are in the past.  And one day, in the present, you can find the happiness you didn’t back then.  Like me.  I know this will be a great marriage, because Lisa and I aren’t getting uptight about the wedding.  We agree on just about everything, and compromise on everything else without issue.

And that’s the measure that I see as figuring out what is the best in the relationship.  I’m honestly glad I went through those relationships in the past.  Because I know that even though I made mistakes, I knew I did the right thing.  In those relationships, getting married came up, but I was always the first to say, “This relationship isn’t marriage material yet.”  Or at least something to that tune.  A major thing I learned was seeing the signs that something wasn’t quite working out.

And this one, those signs aren’t there.  This is working out, and as we are getting married...in exactly 47 hours after this blog post goes live, I can see how well its going to work out.  There’s something amazing about being truly happy, and not having any reservations at all.  For the first time in my life, I’m not struggling to keep love, or to stay in love, or against someone who is destroying the relationship with their actions.  I’m truly just enjoying the ride, with my perfect partner.

Life with Lisa Bonser has already been the greatest time of my life.  Here’s to long life, and happiness with my new wife! *raises a glass in toast*

Is a Bad Attitude a Clinical Condition?

Since when did having a bad attitude become a clinical condition?  Seems like a crazy question, huh?  But I see it so much in today’s youth.  Someone simply has a bad attitude, and they are labeled as having a learning disorder.

I know its kind of a joke to some people, but has society gotten to bad with the idea that everything is a clinical condition that something as simple as a bad attitude, which can easily be worked through, is terms to send someone to the therapist?  There are days I don’t want to wake up, for whatever reason, and there are days I don’t feel like paying attention.

(poem) Sins of the Past

Is all the pain
That I have felt
Equal to or more
Than the pain I have dealt?

Surely it is less
But who can honestly tell
That we take
More than we give hell?

Its been an amazing life
To be sure
I just pray
There is no more pain to endure.

Luckily
The loneliness is gone
Replaced with a wife
And her teenage fawn

The past is behind me
The future is so bright
How did my life
Suddenly turn out right?

Did I pay
For the sins of old
I swear that I have paid
The sum total of threefold

I guess I shall see
As time goes forever on
If it was enough
For me to have a happy dawn

That will spread
Throughout the noon of my life
And continue through
The afternoon with my wife

So we can
Grow old together
And never worry
About nary a blunder

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

The beginning of December

Life is full of what ifs and entertaining scenarios that didn’t happen, but might have.  As a fiction writer, I tend to dredge these kinda things up, and think about different variations on life, and what might have been or even could have been.  You can even turn this to the future, and think about what still might be, and the different paths you can take.

Now that December is here, and we’re hurtling towards Christmas at harrowing speeds, and Thanksgiving and Black Friday are over and done with, I can’t help but think about the past, and what all might have been, and what all could have been.  All this ends up making me appreciate there here and now better.

Genealogical Research is Fun!

Genealogy is an extremely fun hobby.  Even though I only dabble in it from time to time, its amazing to learn all the stuff that happened for you to get born.  In the end, you never know what you’ll find.  I know some people that branch way out and find links to celebrities, or famous people in their past.  I know, I was hoping to find a link to a very infamous family secret....

Luckily its very easy to get started, Ancestry.com is a great place, and its pretty much free.  Sure you can pay for more access to stuff, but the main thing is the family tree maker, and that is most definitely free.  After that, its all about searching and cross referencing.  Its hard not to feel the joy of searching through history, and finding links to other people, making the tree bigger and bigger.

(poem) Why I live my life.

As the seasons rise and fall
And everyone tries to make sense of it all
We watch the sun rise and set
As life fades we try not to fret

So we try to live life without regrets
And to be good to our pets
Yet most don’t know how to enjoy
All that life has to employ

Shame comes and goes
As does pain’s throws
Yet we life through and trudge on
And wonder if our last name will fade into anon

I asked for all things that I might enjoy in life
And I was given life
So that I might enjoy all things
No matter what it all might bring

This I hold true to
No matter what or who
Might try to bring me down
Because life is too short to constantly frown

So smile I do, as much as I can
Since this life began
And live by a creed that most dismiss
Because there is nothing in life I want to miss.

From watching my step-daughter
Try not to die from laughter
And enjoying my wedding to her mother
Being that woman’s one and only lover

Sure I’ve had my downs
But I fear them less than clowns
Of course, that goes without saying
Clowns send a lot of people to praying.

I’ve loved and lost
And each time felt the cost
But it all paid out in the end
For my life now has the perfect bookend

I knew it would all be worth it
No reason at all to throw such a fit
What a ride it has been
And it will continue to be, until the end.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

That Changed Everything....

The past always creeps in when you least expect it.  I’ve always found it amazing how a coincidence will bring a new perspective on the past into view, just as you never wanted it to.  Hindsight is always 20/20 they say, and its never more so the case than when something new comes to light.

Do you change your point of view, change your old memories?  No, that’s never the case.  Normally one just has to assimilate the information.  The old memories are hard written into the brain.  Nothing will change the warmth of the original memory, even if its become diluted by a sharp pain of new information.

To Celebrate the Fourth

The Fourth of July.  It’s hard not to get political about it, as I don’t see much to celebrate anymore.  The debate ranges so much, the United States are not on any top lists just because we’ve fallen so far, and noone here seems to care.

Care, that’s a good way to put it.  I know that I will never willing again buy a vehicle that was made in the United States after the mid-nineties.  I got to work in the auto industry for a bit, and what I saw reaffirmed my beliefs.  The American worker no longer cares for the product they produce because they don’t believe they are producing it for themselves, but for their bosses.