My Shame

Have you ever had one of those life events that just opens up some crazy can of worms that has to change everything?  Ever have to tell one of those stories where you don’t know where you should even start?  A story where even the beginning is a poor choice?  Let me try to start it, even though, no matter where I start it, it loses the point.  Ugh….

Recently, my mother passed away.  As with most parental passings it caused quite a bit of emotional discharge from those closest.  And with all emotional discharge comes the things that you just cannot explain.  The problem with starting the story here is that the issues started months before her passing, it started with her getting sick.

Free Write 02: The Best Place in the World

Now that I've gone and aced my English Composition I class I've decided to share some of the selections of writing that I had to do in it.  Every Monday morning we had to pull out a sheet of paper and free write an essay over some subject or another for part of the participation grade.  This one, I actually had a date on, which I'm surprised by.  10/1/14.  Anyways, here's the second Free Write I'm sharing.

We were asked to write an essay about the best place in the world, more or less.  So here it is, free write number 2.

Language Fails Me

Words are slippery things in the English language.  I have a friend who was in the Navy being a linguist.  Since he had a better understanding of languages, he always said, “English is the best language in the world.”  Personally, I disagree.

I disagree on many points.  The fact is, I cannot say many things without some string of adjectives in front of it to define what the heck it is I’m trying to say.  I think that’s pretty dumb.  I can’t tell someone I love them as a friend, without tacking on a bunch of stuff, because if I don’t tack on that crap, then suddenly I’m in love and my entire marriage is in jeopardy.

(poem) - A Sadness, Deep Within

I’m a helpless slave
To my own addictions
And I’m destroying the world
That I exist in.

They say admitting it
Is the first step to recovery
But it makes me burry myself deeper
As the lines become even more blurry

I’m on a sinking ship
Drilling more holes
Hoping beyond hope
That we stay afloat

Screw the reason
Screw the rhyme
We will make it through
Somehow

But as surely as the sun
Rises in the East
I have given rise
To a rancorous beast

I’m in the throws
Of a raging depression
Yet I’m as happy
As a freeborn lark

I sing in the trees
Proclaiming my happiness
But deep inside
There’s a growing fear of emptiness

Change is coming
Despite our attempts
Its coming to claim our lives
As it holds us in contempt

I see it linger
Upon the horizon
Its watching me closely
Keeping its eyes on

Sadly enough
I know what I have to do
But doing it is hard
Because it involves a tight screw

To work in this world
You have to sell your soul
Give your life away
To feed the banker’s world

I always knew
There would come a day
When there would be
A price to pay

I’ve never mind paying it
But this time I’m not alone
So the price to pay
Will be higher

What will happen next
Is anyone’s guess
But I see the writing on the wall
Yet I know the value of bliss

We will get through it
Somehow
In each other’s hands
As we are now

In the end
That’s what its all about
Not
The size of the trout

Tomorrow is another day
And it brings in the light
Which banishes
All the fright

No matter how bad it will be
I have my wife next to me

We will weather the storm
Without getting overly forlorn

And do what we have to do
Because she once told me
“I love you.”

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Defining Friendship and Family

The one thing about the English language, that you have to get down quickly, is the definitions of things.  Some words can sound the same, but have different meanings.  Some words actually have meanings, but mean different things to different people.  The best example, is friendship and family.

Friend:

 a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Family:

a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

Giving Thanks 2013.

Not very much has fundamentally changed since last Thanksgiving.  Hard to believe I didn’t write a blog post last year on the subject.  In the end, there was so much going on....  Oh well....

Its hard not to be thankful for my life and all that’s in it.  I have a wonderful Step-Daughter, who tries my patience quite a bit, but is still one of the most interesting people I’ve ever gotten to know.  She’s crazy, eclectic, and a true unique.  I’m beyond thankful to be in her life, to be loved by her, and to have the respect she chose to give me.

Things you can learn from a Kitten

I’ve always loved being an observer.  Watching something and how it acts and surmising things about how it was brought up, or what makes it work.  Its all learning and science.  Its honestly so much fun.

When we brought home the new kitten, Nyx, we knew a few things, but had to guess at a few others.  One of the major things was, out at our Aunt’s place, she said that some of the cats were vanishing without a trace.  Fact is, she’s a farmer and kind of expects such things and didn’t give it a second thought.

(poem) - The Dance of Love's Life

I’ve danced through life
To a soundtrack that only I’ve heard
I’ve invited you to dance
If you wish to learn

Many have taken me up
On this offer of life’s dance
Only to watch them stumble
Not being able to prance

Happiness is a way of life
That I’ve lived for quite some time
But I only know how to do so
Because I know Sorrow’s every line

So watch as I dance
And twirl around
Can you see me float
Far above the ground?

In real life
I cannot dance
But metaphorically
I do so at every chance

And amazingly I found Lisa
Who has taken my hand
As we danced
She donned my wedding band

Friends may come and go
But I’ve finally found a partner
Who will dance with me
Forever, and ever after

Somewhere along the way
I realized something very important
I’ve danced this dance I’ve danced
Felt pain at every appointment

So that when I got to dance with her
It was the dance that would enthrall her

Because she’s danced
The same dance as me
So that when we found each other
It would be so lovely

That we have both wept with joy
At true love’s beautiful envoy

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

The Well is Dry

I hate it when the well runs dry.  Its easy to do, hit a point of art where you’ve just created so much recently, you cannot create anymore.  I loathe to admit it, but its happened quite a bit recently.  I think it comes from transcribing so much of Lisa’s book at once.

I typed around 50 pages in a week, on top of writing blog posts, tweeting, doing facebook, talking on social networks to other bloggers, and watching TV with my wife.  By the end of the week, I looked at my blank WordPerfect screen and threw up my hands....

Falling in Love Again, for the First Time.

I can honestly say that I have never been happier. I'm sure you have heard it or even said it but for me it is the truth. I have never felt or been so loved in all my life and it's all because of a wonderful caring man that I call my husband.

After my late husband died I was lost. I really didn't know what I was going to do next. It was just me and my 13 year old daughter. I thought there was no way I was going to get married again and have my heart ripped out of my chest again. After a few months I started to get lonely. I missed the championship that I had with my late husband. My mom told me that I was too young to be by myself and I should start dating again.

(Poem) - Happily Forever After

Bad days aside
Most are pretty good
Some days can even
Be better than they should

Those days are blessed
Wonderful through and through
Because I simply get to spend
All my time with you

I feel like I belong
I feel like part of something
Something far bigger
Than wearing your wedding ring.

Someday the dog doesn’t scratch
The dog doesn’t grunt
She simply lays there
Performing a silent stunt

Harmony can reign
Within this amazing home
There can be a calm
Without the petulant groans

Of a crazy teenage girl
Who is our entire world
That’s not getting her way
As her life is unfurled

Yes, there are days
Where life it truly the best
In fact there are quite a few
That are far better than the rest

The hammock is crying our name
Swaying in the breeze
There’s not very much better
Than reading our Kindles with ease

It almost seems
As if our life is a fantasy
Yet it is most definitely not
This is our reality

A life full of love
A life full of laughter
I love my wife with my entire soul
For now and for happily forever after.

(( FYI, this poem is actually part 3 in my "3 Post Experience" this week. Experience the low point in part 1, where a bad day reeks havoc in Days Like This.   But of course, every bad day becomes just another tomorrow, where you find out that there are no failures, just unfinished successes.  All you have to do is remember There Will Always Be Days Like Yesterday. ))

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

(poem) - Wearing Black while Baking Bread

Is there anything better
Than wearing black
And being covered by flour?

Cooking is so much fun
Baking is as well
Watching bread rise, hour after hour.

Mix everything together
Add the right about of spice
And suddenly an amazing flavor comes together

I never realized
It could be so much fun
Cooking in the kitchen with her

My wife and I
Make a great team
Doing everything together, time after time

When it comes down to creating
We make the best of teams
As we write a story, line after line

But together in the kitchen
Kneading out the dough
We make the most amazing things

With flavors so astounding
We are reminded
Of why we gave each other rings

Food nourishes the body
Enhances life itself
Especially with the right flavors

Our love nourishes our soul
Mix in the spices of our life
And our marriage resonates with a purr

So, in the end
Cooking food together
Sums up our love

Add just the right mixture
Makes all the flavors of life
Soar so high above.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

(poem) - I Belong in Her Arms

Is a dream a dream
(A crazy little dream)
If its based in reality?

What about pain?
(Is it pain?)
If its based within the mind?

Its hard not to scream
(Scream so loud)
When a dream involves pain?

Why does it hurt
(Its hurts so very much)
To have your heart broken?

I once had an ideal
(Such a great ideal)
Of what the perfect woman should be.

But the woman that was perfect
(Perfection on another level)
Broke the mold of everything that was

She changed my life
(Which needed changing)
For the better in every single way

And became my wife
(The perfect wife)
Making me the happiest man alive.

But I still remember the past
(Oh so very long ago.)
When heart break felt like it would kill me.

I remember those times
(Times best forgotten)
Crying over some foolish idiot not giving their all

I always gave my all
(Pouring my very soul)
To make sure that my love found its home

But it never did
(It grew stronger, harder)
And somehow found its way into Lisa’s embrace

This embrace
(This beautiful embrace)
Is something amazing that words cannot describe

Poetry
(No matter how you write it)
Cannot match the beauty of my wife’s soul

She survived
(Things I cannot imagine)
To be with me here, laying her head against my chest

How did either of us make it here
(This wonderful place we’ve found)
After going through so damned much without each other?

The answer is so simple
(Yet so very silly)
We survived what we had to, to be together.

Because this is where we both belong
And belonging is pretty awesome
When you belong in someone’s arms.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

(poem) - Bring on the Pain

I hate those moments
Right after something special
That take a great time
And make the whole even awful

Its going to happen
From time to time
But I’ll hate it with a passion
No matter the reason or rhyme

It gets more rare
With every passing day
That everything goes right
In every single way

Something always
Tries to come around
Bringing along
A dank and dark cloud

I rage against it
With all my might
But I’m getting tired
And always loose the fight

The one thing
I know I can say
Is that the longer people
Together stay

They’ll be able to find
The best ways to hurt each other
Making paradise
A little less brighter

I truly hate those moments
Right after being inspired
When the yelling starts
And an argument has to be retired.

There is nothing more devastating
Than doing what I do
Stopping you from hurting me
By making sure I hurt you.

But life goes on
As beautiful as it may seem
With this one argument
Lurking behind the scene

It might be
The only one we have
But it’s a dozy
And definitely not drab.

All I can say is
Love is a beautiful thing
And conquers everything
That gets put in a sling

Today
The aftermath might be oppressing
But tomorrow is another day
And nowhere near depressing

For love will come
With the brand new dawn
And spread its rays
Upon our green lawn

The grass will grow
Along with our love
We will catch wing again
And fly like a dove.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

A Writer's Cool Pen and My Computer

There’s nothing quite like transcribing a novel from pen and paper format to the computer.  Wow.  I mean, extremely wow.  Page after page of letters, all running together, forming an amazing story.

In the end, this makes me realize how much I love typing stuff into the computer in the first place.  Lisa might have my old Ergonomix pen, that you can no longer buy, but even with the most comfortable pen in the world in my hand, I’d still die from writer’s cramp.  Luckily its enabled Lisa to write longer hours.

(poem) - Clung for Far too Long

I made mistakes early on
Wishing I could find the one
Looking past an idiot’s flaws
My fate’s conclusion seemed forgone

I lost my faith
In failed love’s wake

The true love I thought I’d never find
Was you

Life brings all sorts
Of slings and arrows to your ports
Love is extremely hard
When it was used, before, to extort

But then I came around
Thinking true love was not to be found

I had to give up on my false idea of love
For you

I woke up one day
Very far away
From my dreams and reality
I gave up on love in every way

I was lost
Without knowing the cost

And the person that found me
Was you

I never knew
This day would bring you
And I would experience
A love known only by few

I was found
And quite knowingly bound

The woman I call my wife
Is You.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Artistic Work

I have never written so much in my entire life.  I can easily compare it all to my early adulthood, when I was writing 8 hours a day.  I spend so much time in front of the computer now, its crazy.  And I have nothing but a backlog of work.

Thing is, its not just the writing, it’s the photography, the blog’s promotion, the working with Lisa on her newest novel, brainstorming.  I’m completely shocked at how much there is to do now that I have absolutely nothing to do.

(poem) - Travel

There’s something beautiful
About traveling the country
Once you get past
Other driver’s stupidity

It makes one tired
Of driving real fast
When you have to hope
That the other drivers you can outlast

It is what it is though
Because you will be able to see
So much
Of this world’s history

Every mile I’ve traveled
Has led me to something amazing
Where I could just sit in awe
Letting my soul rise up and sing

The truly crazy thing
Is that I’ve not seen much
A barely calculatable amount
Have I gotten to touch

I have seen enough
To know I want to see more
The beauty of this world
Is something I truly adore.

In the end
Home is where the heart may be
But my home is where
My wife is most happy

My heart beats
Within her chest
So I make sure
That our travel is always the best

Where we will go next
I have no clue
But there is one thing
That I can promise you

I’ll be with her
And she’ll be with me
Because my wife and I
Will be together eternally.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

(poem) - The First Test of Love: Wedding Planning

There’s nothing like
The stress of a wedding
Plotting and planning
Along with all the double checking

It makes one want to scream
With all their might
Waking from a dream
In the middle of the night


I know
Because I have been there
I’d do it again in a heartbeat
And marry Lisa anywhere

But thankfully
We are done with our nuptials
And are just enjoying watching
Other people’s wedding battles

I swear weddings are bad on purpose
To put couples through big stress
To see if they can handle
The bride worrying about her dress

If they can get past that
Then they can get past most anything
It’s the first time a couple is truly tested
Before they put on each other’s ring


Before they spend life together
They have to survive each other
And only a few can do so
Without becoming a strangler

The best that I can ever say
Is to enjoy your beautiful wedding day
Because it only comes once
At least, if you do it the right way

So cheers to you and yours
Cheers to love conquering all
We gather here this day
To witness the union of those in the hall

Because they survived
The planning of their wedding
We rejoice their love
May it be everlasting.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

(poem) - A Strength in True Love

There comes a time
When all men die
But sometimes first
They live the lie.

There is something fanciful
About living life
No matter how much
You go through strife


There will always be
A lie down deep
That prevents you
From getting sleep

Pain will set in
If you let it start
And all your friends
Will faithfully depart

Alone
Trapped in a mine
Alone
Within your own mind

I’ve watched it tear
The strong apart
The weak
Simply do not have the heart


To do what I did
I did it right
I trusted my spouse
Without a fight

I believed in her
She believed in me
And somewhere along the way
Her and I merged into We.

I made a choice
Where some simply cannot
To love her dearly
Until I rot

Yet being buried
Is a long way off
And at men’s typical weakness
Doth I scoff

I enjoy being hers
In every way
Knowing that my love
Will never sway

There is a strength in that
I have found
That most never do
They do nothing but cheat at the sound

Of winter coming
And old age drawing near
I accept its coming
With my love I hold so dear.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!